Values say what?

I recently attended a funeral for a coworker. This colleague was only one year older than I am, engaged to be married and recently accepted into graduate school. One day after work, he went to the mall and, like many of us, was talking on his cell phone as he pulled it to the mall parking space. Suddenly the phone went dead - his fiance didn't hear his voice anymore. My colleague had just been shot four times and died, in his car. The killer? A deranged gunman who then entered the mall and began shooting random people. It was a sensless tragedy - the kind that hits too close to home.

Today I attended a memorial service put on by the facility he worked for. The gym was packed with guests - students he worked with, staff he interacted with and his family. The program was beautiful and filled with song, tributes, photos and pictures - the works as far as memorial services go. The service was religious based - another common theme in memorial services.

I found my mind wondering away from the service and to how death impacts us. A death like this makes me want to crawl into a hole and bid farewell to malls, Target and other large retailers. Its sensless - he wasn't dealing drugs or walking along a dark alleyway; he was simply visiting the mall with thousands of other people on a warm, sunny Sunday afternoon. Five minutes earlier or later and he wouldn't have even been involved. Life was determined by a five minute interval.

Scary as this is, like most people I spend a few days looking over my shoulder once or twice more than normal and being a little more vigilant. Then it fades - life goes on like normal. As I sat at the memorial service and listened to the preacher talk about rejoining my colleague in heaven, listened to the kids read their poems they had created (which talked about this colleague "looking down from heaven") I was suddenly aware of a very strong need for God's presence in that moment. God wasn't being debated in any way, shape or form - God was invited in whatever personal form each person chose. And never did anyone question the very existence of God.

People often ask me what position religion should have in a family. My answer is always the same - one of great importance. I read one of those ominous "forwards" that arrive frequently in my email box and it said the following: "Dear God, why didn't you save the people at Virginia Tech? and God's reply was, "Dear friend, I am not allowed in schools." Eye opening, isn't it? Unfortunately, most of our parenting energy goes into carpooling, making healthy meals, monitoring our children's TV viewing and internet surfing. We equip them to take SAT's and ensure they are being challenged at school. Then the weekend comes. And we sleep in on Sundays. Or do our grocery shopping. God is far from our homes on Sundays.

Children should receive some kind of religious training as a regular part of their weekly routine. Monday is dance night. Tuesday is soccer. Wednesday is PTA. Thursday is soccer. Friday we rest. Saturday we rest. Sunday morning is church. There are wonderful practical and religious lessons learned from church and church provides an etherial source of comfort and answers to tough and senseless life questions. Why do people have to die? What happens after we die? Will I ever see grandma again? I always reach for biblical wisdom to explain these things. Some might call it explanations that aren't based on reality. Honestly, they're right. It takes faith to believe in something you can't see, can't touch, can't tasts. I tend to give faith a strong chance in my life - I never met William Shakespere but I believe that he wrote many plays and that once he was a human being. I never met God but I believe he's real. And powerful. And comforting.

Did you know a child's values system changes very little after the age of 9 years old? I encourage you to invest some time in your child's religious education. The library has great books about different kinds of churches and what to expect at each. Map the churches around your home and visit each one until you find the environment that fits you and your family. This takes time, but every church is different. If nothing else, do it so that your child can have a religious system to explain to their children - and to reference and believe in during the tough times in life.

Warmly,
Sarah
www.parentfamilyinstitute.org